Market Square in Old Town Alexandria is one of the oldest continuously operating marketplaces in the US. | Photo by Ken Lund via Creative Commons
If you can’t laugh at yourself, how in the world are you gonna laugh at somebody else?
We asked ChatGPT — an AI chatbot — to roast Alexandria, Arlington, and Fairfax as a way to celebrate our neighborhoods.
Editor’s note: The following ChatGPT responses have been edited for brevity.
Alexandria
Ah, Alexandria, Virginia — where history meets overpriced boutiques and cobblestone streets that make you feel like you’re living in a museum... but with a Starbucks on every corner.
You can pretend you’re living in a charming, “old-timey” town, but really, you’re just waiting for your overpriced avocado toast to be served at a cafe that’s more concerned with aesthetics than actual flavor. The historic district is cute until you realize it’s just a gentrified version of a colonial theme park, where you’re paying $30 for a pint of artisanal beer because it’s brewed by some guy who “studied abroad in Belgium for a semester.”
Dried Floral Bouquet Workshop | 6-7 p.m. | PLNTR, Arlington | $65 | Style a bouquet using dried flowers to style your own space.
Friday, July 18
Rhythmaya: Bollywood Dance | 10:30-11:30 a.m. | Charles E. Beatley Jr. Central Library, Alexandria | Free | Discover Bollywood dance while exploring Indian culture through its music, art, and movement.
Sunday, July 20
Candle Making With Instructor Cafi | 4-6 p.m. | Shipgarten, McLean | $43 | Join this instructor-led candle-making class where you get to choose your own scents and colors.
Ice Cream: It’s In The Bag | 12-1 p.m. | Burke Centre Library, Fairfax | Free | Celebrate National Ice Cream Day by learning how to make ice cream in a bag.
Capital Doner, a restaurant serving up Turkish sandwiches, wraps, pita dishes, and more, has opened in Rosslyn. This is its second location, with the original being in Dupont Circle, DC. (ARLnow)
Closing
Due to a redevelopment, the popular food hall The Block will need to close or relocate by the end of the summer. Annandale’s Eastgate Shopping Center must be vacated by Saturday, Aug. 30, as construction will begin for a new apartment building. (FFXnow)
Coming Soon
The donut chain, Texas Donuts, is coming to Vienna in the Glyndon Plaza shopping center. This spot has been open since September, when MidnighTreats left. Stay tuned for an opening date.(FFXnow)
History
Fairfax County Park Authority is looking for resident curators to rehabilitate and maintain the Dranesville Tavern and Fairfax Arms. This program allows the curators to live in these spots rent-free in exchange for their services. (FFXnow)
Biz
Daydrift — a new cafe, market, and bookstore — will open where Mah-Ze-Dahr was once located. The new spot is said to open in summer 2025, but an exact date has yet to be released. (ARLnow)
Opening
Fairfax County Library will open a temporary branch at Cedar Park Shopping Center on Monday, July 21, offering a limited book selection, free Wi-Fi, and select programs. It will remain open until the new Vienna-Carter Library opens, with construction starting this fall and completion expected in early to mid-2027. (FFXnow)
Environment
Spotted these robots around town? Arlington’s Department of Environmental Services is piloting them to assess sidewalk conditions between Ballston and Rosslyn. The data will help determine if they’re fit for a countywide survey in 2028. (ARLnow)
Plan Ahead
The dinner series Summer Supper Somm is coming to Arlington and Alexandria in August. The theme? Tomatoes. On Sunday, Aug. 10, enjoy a four-course dinner at Portofino Restaurant. Then, on Wednesday, Aug. 13, head to the Majestic for a five-course dinner.
Try This
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Cue the wedding bells. Arlington’s Central Library hosted Katie Lettie and Vincent Bauer’s wedding after they won the first APL wedding giveaway. Congrats to the happy couple. 💒
The fun doesn’t have to end here. After reading the newsletter, head over to our games page. Games refresh with new challenges every day at 6 a.m. from crossword puzzle to Sudoku to themed word search.
Looking for a place to hang out when the — what seems to be daily — 5 p.m. storm hits? Duck into one of these bars for happy hour and enjoy a cocktail + the dry indoors.